Football Page 1519 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
At Least He Hasn't Shown Up At Training Camp Yet
New Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones is a bit of a mystery to many NFLers; he has almost unnatural physical gifts, but no one is sure he will make the transition to the pro game. Fortunately, for only $350, you can answer the question about one section of his physical gifts: What's hi...
Oprah Winfrey, The New Lombardi
Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson is notorious for being talented, brash and way-too-loud-mouthed. Kind of like Oprah! OK, not really, but Johnson confesses that the real point of his football career is to figure out a way to make it on Oprah's show. Johnson says:...
Just Asking ... Hypothetical ... No Offense Intended
We know we're not supposed to be suspicious of this. We know we're supposed to accept that agent Drew Rosenhaus, who has been a feature subject in every newspaper with a beat writer and seems to want to single handedly send the NFL into a labor war, we know we're supposed to believe every second o...
McMichael Gets Early Jump On Training Camp With Wife
Miami Dolphins tight end Randy McMichael was arrested last week for spousal abuse, his second arrest for that charge in the last 13 months. (The good news is that she wasn't pregnant this time.)...
NFL Stars Enjoy Playing With Themselves And Other NFL Stars
We are just more than a month away from the release of Madden 06, the EA Sports game that's slowly becoming just about as much fun as the actual NFL. At a release party for the game in Manhattan last week, various NFL players tried it out. Selected highlights:...
Sports Illustrated Knows Not Of This Herpes!
We picked up our copy of Sports Illustrated yesterday and were most pleased to see Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick on the cover. Finally! Vick ends his silence on the whole giving women herpes fiasco and shed some light on that whole Ron Mexico business. Why else would he be on the cover?...
Kraft Meant To Give The Ring All Along! Of course!
Patriots owner Robert Kraft now says that he meant to give Russian president Vladimir Putin his Super Bowl ring in the first place....
He Should Have At Least Gotten Some Vodka Out Of It
Patriots owner Robert Kraft was out doing what huge capitalists do this week: Meeting with leaders of other countries and gladhanding them enough so they'll give them some free shit down the line. Kraft shook hands with Russian president Vladimir Putin and, to show off, handed Putin his Patriots ...
Kurt Warner, Busy Man, Getting Busy
New Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner is renowned for his firm Christian values and devotion to family, his wife and God. (Not in that order.) He also, according to an interview with the Arizona Cardinals Web site, can apparently inseminate his wife just by looking at her....
The LaVar Arrington Weekend
A spy sends us this report from an event that Redskins linebacker LaVar Arrington and 49ers defender Julian Peterson hosted this last weekend which allegedly involved gunfire:...
Ron Mexico Lives!
The upcoming videogame "Blitz: The League" — a role-playing football game that takes you on and off the field, from the writers of ESPN's allegedly controversial "Playmakers" — has made headlines for signing up Giants Hall of Famer Lawrence Taylor and showcasing rampant drug use and violence in t...
Those Scary Raiders
The Oakland Raiders. Just that name makes you think of dudes in skull masks, draped in chains, guzzling motor oil and punching their grandmothers in the face. The team added two more malcontents in the offseason: wide receiver Randy Moss — whose Raiders jersey has already become the league's best se...
Ricky Williams Slinks Back Into Town
We still can't quite believe running stoner Ricky Williams is really going to play this year. This guy quit football to smoke pot — and hey, we're not gonna mock him for that; the only difference between him and a lot of our friends is that he actually had a job to quit — and left all his teammate...
He Does, However, Have Nice Pores
Carolina Panthers defensive tackle Kris Jenkins, after admitting that he "drank too much" in the offseason, sent this Valentine to Raiders defensive tackle Warren Sapp yesterday:...
McNabb, T.O. Continue Lovers' Spat
A confession: We love the havoc that Terrell Owens is wreaking in Philadelphia. That team was getting too boring and too content; the only thing better would be if he had signed with New England. Besides, while T.O. was playing on a broken leg in the Super Bowl, Donovan McNabb was, almost literall...
Jake Plummer: Anti-War Activist
Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer fought the NFL last year when he wanted to honor former teammate Pat Tillman by wearing his number on his jersey. Now Plummer, longer-maned and looking awfully MoveOn.Org-y, is taking on a larger target: The government. Plummer is clearly still very upset with the mi...
Finance As Taught By Spike TV
One considers that there might be dumber ways to pick an agent (like, say, just grabbing some dudes you went to high school with). Detroit Lions second-round pick Shaun Cody picked his agent on reality television. Airing in July on SpikeTV and hosted by Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez, the series "...
He Would Have Scored Higher, But He Kept Losing His Pen
Fantastic tidbit from FootballOutsiders.com's "Four Downs" column, in the section about the New York Giants:...
How To Give College SIDs Something To Do Over The Summer
As former sports editors of our college papers, we can assure you: There is no more loathsome creature than the college sports information director. Secure that what they're doing is important, believing they're really a part of the team, they wield their small-town "power" as if they truly hold the...
The Ron Mexico Name Generator
Our friends at Gorilla Mask have come up with a lovely device: The Ron Mexico Name Generator. It's easy: Just type your name in, select your gender and whammo, you can go incognito just like our man Vick. (Strangely, there's no form for "sexual history.")...